The Digital Analyst

My Sister, Mom and I at Christmas Eve dinner.

Shortly after starting this blog, my Mom passed away on January 31^st.  She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last spring and I moved back to Cincinnati in September to help her through the chemo treatments, but the cancer was very aggressive and came back to claim her life only 4 weeks after she finished up her chemo and I returned to work in my LA office.  She was the most important person in my life and although I had prepared myself mentally for her passing, the timing of it was very unexpected and left me a little shell-shocked.

In the midst of this personal tragedy though, I realized very quickly just how important social networks are in my life.  Simply put, I could not have gone through this grieving process without Twitter and Facebook.  The first thing I did after my Dad called me from the hospital was post this tweet, which in turn updated my Facebook status.  Some might have thought it was inappropriate to announce my Mother’s passing with a tweet, but I did not know any other way to express myself at that time and I could not be more thankful that I turned to my social networks.

It is very easy for a death like this, especially at my age, to feel overwhelming, but the messages of sympathy and support that poured into my inbox reminded me that I wasn’t alone with this struggle.  Knowing I had so many people thinking about me and offering their support, even when they couldn’t really do anything, kept me stable and let me be strong for the rest of my family who did not feel the same level of support.

One regret I have from the past month is not reaching out to and supporting my Dad more consistently.  He has never responded well to big changes and my Mom’s death sparked a downward spiral of depression that ended with him in the hospital.  While my social networks helped me avoid the overwhelming feelings and some of the loneliness of the past month, he did not have the same support network online or in real life.  I can’t help but think that a network of friends expressing their support would have made even a small difference.

I expect the role of social networks in the grieving process to expand as my generation (Millennials) ages and I wonder what impact it will have on our ability to cope with loss.  Although research has found that social networks do not expand our social circle past the magical Dunbar number (150 people), it does provide a communication platform where we can more easily reach out of our immediate circle in times of need.  I hadn’t kept in strong contact with many of the people who sent me messages of support and I doubt they would have sent the messages or even known about my Mom in the first place if it had not been for my announcement through Twitter and Facebook.

Have you turned to social media during a time of grieving or when you needed emotional/psychological support?  What effect do you see social networks having on our ability to cope with loss in the future?  Please don’t be afraid to be honest in the comments if you disagree or think coping with social networks is unnatural.  I recognize my experience is my own, but I’d love to hear other perspectives on this topic.